Long Weekend Update

Ahh, the joys of not having internet at home… When I got to school this morning I *wasted* quite a bit of time checking all my email and catching up on blog reading. I just can’t seem to get motivated to get on all this work I have to do today. I’d much rather be bundled up on the couch watching a movie (or even football) than sitting here in my quiet, cold office at school all by myself!

So to procrastinate some more, here is a holiday weekend update:

Wednesday:
After class I went for a wet run with Shell. It was the kind of run that running partners are made for. Neither of us would have stepped foot outdoors if it wasn’t for the fact that we both felt like the other was counting on us. It was great though – we caught up on a lot of gossip and then of course it stopped raining just as we parted ways. That evening, The Boy and I went over to Max and Laura’s for pizza and board games. I thought it went well… Max and The Boy talked sports and The Boy fit right in with our super competitive board game attitude. But then on the way home when I asked if he had a good time, he hesitated before just saying “yeah… I did.” I love them, I want him to love them too!

Wednesday Night/Thursday Morning:
It was rough… this is when you are glad that I didn’t have internet access. The Boy thought I was mad that he was being distant which led to a long discussion about him being stressed with school and how he deals with it – hiding out and ignoring anyone and everyone until finals are over. And then that had some issues regarding us. At first he wasn’t opening up, but finally he admitted his apprehension about our relationship and my desire to go abroad in September. It blew my mind that he was thinking that far into the future… I’ll admit I’ve thought about it some too but not in as much detail as him, but he’s been burned by a similar situation in the past and I think he is worried about it happening again. To make a long story short, I told him that I would rather have 9 wonderful months and leave the future left to chance, than to agonize over my (potential) departure and just have a half-ass 9 months. I said if he wasn’t willing to take the risk with me, maybe we should just stop this relationship now. He said maybe it would just be better to just be friends now to avoid any potential heartache down the road.

Thursday:
Despite not resolving any of our “issues,” The Boy and I had a wonderful thanksgiving. He came with me to LP’s sister’s house where we watched football (the boys), gossiped (the girls), and ate lots of yummy food! I was worried that The Boy wasn’t going to enjoy himself but when I asked if he had a good time, he gave me a very enthusiastic yes. He loved LP’s sister and brother-in-law, and LP told me later that they loved him.

Friday:
It was the first day in 32 days that The Boy and I didn’t see each other. He spent most of the day at school and I made Christmas cards with some friends (mine are so cute if I do say so myself). I’m glad we did our own things, but to be honest – I did really want to see him. I didn’t spend the night Thursday and was looking forward to spending Friday night with him. It didn’t quite pan out for me…

Saturday:
I started out the day with a 6+ mile run. It felt so good. I was totally plodding along like a turtle but I ran the whole damn way around the lake and was really proud of myself. I desperately needed new tires so The Boy and I had made previous plans to go bowling while I dropped my car off at the tire place. He handily won every game (3), but I improved every game while he got worse and worse. After bowling we walked to the Locks, something which has been on my to-do list forever. They were actually really cool. The water level between the lakes and the sound is pretty dramatic and it was cool to watch them raise and lower the boats going in between. Although we were having a good time, there was a noticeable distance between The Boy and me. I had hoped that we’d spend the rest of the evening together but he had plans to watch a basketball game with his friend. It wasn’t that I had a problem with the planned boys only night, it was just that it happened to be occurring at a time where I already felt really insecure in our relationship. Over pho he called me out on my distracted state of mind and I just came out with it. I told him that I felt like I was in a holding pattern, that I had come out and said what I wanted from this relationship and that all he could tell me was “I don’t know…” Of course he didn’t say anything right away, which certainly didn’t make me feel any better. But finally he did tell me that these next few weeks (leading up to finals) would be hard, but he couldn't imagine coming back from break and just being friends. And that we’d cross those hard bridges when we came to them. I still feel a bit on edge, but it is more just that I have to work out the fact that he isn’t good at being in a relationship while he is stressing out at school. I need to learn to take it less personally – easier than him learning to stress out less – and then look forward to finals being over and us getting to relax and spend some quality time together.