Too Much of a Good Thing

After spending 70+ hours a week at school from October through March, I've been living the life these past 2 months. I come in at 8 and leave at 4. I've been known to take long lunches in the sun. I don't set foot on campus over the weekend.

(unless it is to go canoeing!)

I've been keeping busy with tennis, rock climbing, biking and running. New CL friends and old standby friends. With the Bachelorette, BBQs and hiking. I leave the office at 4, but still don't get home until after 8. The sun doesn't set until 9pm these days. We've gone 12 days without a drop of rain. There is potential for perfection in these days.


There is nothing I have to do, but I can't just relax. If I am not doing something, I'm wasting away the potential perfection. But it seems like such an effort to keep myself busy, nothing comes easy.

I convinced 2 sets of friends that they should have me over to BBQ this weekend. There is nothing better than hamburgers on the grill 2 nights in a row! I went hiking with the Teacher and the Cheesehead on Saturday. I ran for over an hour on Sunday morning.


And then I was stuck. I wanted to bike to Woodinville but my bike has been acting up and I was afraid of an episode when I was 20 miles from home. I wanted to go to the beach and read my book in the sun, but the high clouds meant there wasn't much sun. I wanted to go for a hike, but don't trust my solo navigation skills on the snow. I didn't mind being alone for the first time all weekend, but didn't know what to do with myself. I would have enjoyed some company, but was hoping for someone else to initiate - to make me feel loved.


I spent a couple of hours on the phone (yes, hours!) talking with my girls in Copenhagen and Boston. I did minimal damage strolling the aisles of Target. I read in the backyard, despite the lack of sun. I made a big dinner (tacos!) and went to bed early. It felt like a day wasted with a lot of nothingness.

I'm not complaining about having nothing to do. I don't want to spend my weekends in the office. But too much free time makes me antsy.


PS - I really ought to be careful what I wish for as crunch time hits for the 2 papers and poster presentation that I have been putting off forever!


PPS - I'm going to be in Europe in 1 month!

Amazon-tastic Fresh!

One of the many reasons I don't like to cook is that I HATE grocery shopping. And it is hard to cook without having groceries in the house. I mean, here I am on spring break - still sick - with all the time in the world, and the thought of going to the grocery store gives me the willys!

Enter Amaz0nFresh.

After a little comparison shopping, I determined that the prices were comparable to where I usually shop. And the $5 delivery fee (free if you spend $75, or with an amazon prime account) was well worth avoid the time and agony saved.

Shopping from bed last night. If you order by midnight, they will have your order on the doorstep by 6am! Don't worry, they won't ring your doorbell!

There it is, waiting on the front steps!

Cold/frozen food comes in an insulated bag with cold packs inside. And they pick up the bins/bags the next time they deliver.

Food! Yum!

Unfortunetly you have to live in certain Seattle neighborhoods (zip codes) for delivery. They are expanding, but until then, you can live vicariously through my Amaz0nFresh experiences...

30 for 30

My 30th birthday came and went last week. In honor of that, here are 30 random things about moi:

1. I have a scar on my bum from when I "bumped" down the stairs on my rear, landed on a glass, and got 13 stiches. No, you can't see it.

2. I've broken my right arm twice, both in random accidents, within 18 months of each other. Once via soccer ball and once via bike (I finished the soccer game and rode 30+ miles before I sought medical attention).

3. I have been to 43 states (just the airport doesn't count!) and will visit the 44th in May.

4. I don't like to drive but did a 15-day, 5200-mile solo cross-country trip. It was incredible.

5. I once drove to North Dakota, just cause.

6. Hot tamales are my favorite candy.

7. I don't know how to cook. I blame it on my mother because she once grounded me from the kitchen after I set a grilled cheese on fire.

8. I don't know where I will end up living when I "grow up" but near the mountains is a requirement.

9. Skiing is my favorite outdoor activity. I went 25 times last year. I wanted to top that this year, but I don't think I will. I am at 7 times so far, with plans for an 8th tomorrow.

10. My family moved the summer before my senior year of high school. Although I could have stayed in NY with friends, I moved to Virginia and graduated from high school there. My family moved back to NY the next year.

11. I've run since 2004. I started running with an acquaintance who turned into a really good friend. And I've strengthen many other friendships because of running.

12. I'm afraid of the dark, guns, and big dogs.

13. I want to travel to Peru.

14. I'm going to travel to Norway this summer.

15. I HATE eggs. Just the smell makes me nauseous.

16. I have a slight adversion to showers. No one has ever accused me of smelling though.

17. I have a spreadsheet which lists what I have done every weekend since May 2002. I started it to make sure I made the most of every weekend but now I keep it up because it is fun to look back at and remember all the good times.

18. The spreadsheet also tracks my skiing and running. I really like spreadsheets.

19. I have tickets to the Vancouver Winter Olympics.

20. I talk really fast when I am excited. I even went to speech class in 4th grade to try and correct it. It did not work.

21. I shared a room (even when we had to option to have our own rooms) with my randomly assigned freshman year roommate for all 4 years of college. I'm going to be a bridesmaid in her wedding this summer.

22. I decided to move to Seattle before I had ever been here. It was a good decision.

23. I have volunteered with Habitat for Humanity for 8 years. A couple months ago, the retired contractor who runs the site had me supervise a bunch of new volunteers. It was awesome to realize that I had earned his respect enough for him to put me in charge.

24. I once won grand prize in a contest to win tickets to see N’Sync. I was 22 at the time.

25. I was attacked by a swarm of bees when I was 17 and was stung about 30 times. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

26. I recently started teaching and I am now certain that I want to be a professor.

27. I often don't think I am smart enough to get a PhD. But other people think I am so I just hope they know best.

28. I worry way too much about silly things.

29. I still have polish on my 2 big toes from a pedicure in September. I'm too lazy to take it off.

30. I will run an endurance race this summer. I'm just not yet sure what and where.

So Many Colors to Choose From!

As part of my graduation present (although I sorta have a really hard time saying I graduated since I'll be spending the next 4 years in the same place) my parents are buying me a new laptop. Nothing fancy, but just something to replace the old one which is on its last legs. While there are many computer specs to consider, I'm really most concerned with one, the color of course! So many choices, I can't decide. What do you think?

The Opposite

My best-est from from the the days of barbies and Debbie Gibson was married last month. The affair, overlooking Manhattan, was extravagant and a total fairy tale for the bride. (And expensive for poor grad student bridesmaids like me!)

It was the complete opposite of what I want my wedding to be like.

Maybe it is because I met someone who was the first person I actually thought about a real future with (*sniffle*), but for whatever reason, I've spent a lot of time recently thinking about what I want my wedding to be like. I haven't been dreaming about it since I was little, so I was working with a blank canvas.

I want to get married in Mexico.

I want it to be small.

I want there to be lots of guacamole and margaritas. And fish tacos.

I want a simple dress, to show off my curves and that doesn't engulf me. Something I'm not likely to find in a bridal salon.

I don't want a bridal party. There are too many people that are important to me to single a few out. And make them buy dresses they might never wear again.

I want everyone to dance - yes everyone! And there will be some Justin Timberlake in the mix.

I want an amazing photographer.

Maybe I ought to work on snagging myself a boyfriend. And more importantly a boyfriend who doesn't say "I'm not sure I want to ever be married..."

Becoming a Crazy Cat Lady (and Other Notables)

My little vacay at Laura and Max’s is going faaaabulous. I love living alone again, even if it is only for a week. The cats and I are getting along well. I’m not much of a pet person, killer allergies will do that, but these cats certainly entertain me. I have even started talking to them, mainly because I feel guilty for leaving for 12 hours at a time and not petting them nearly enough as their parents would. This morning they were even kind enough to let me sleep until my alarm went off – a miracle.

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I’ve ridden my bike into school everyday this week. 11 miles roundtrip. The majority of the ride is on a flat, (relatively) newly paved bike trail so I could certainly be a leisurely bike ride and a chance to get in touch with nature. But instead my competitive nature takes control and I time myself, attempting to best my previous time – arriving at my destination a sweaty, out of breath mess. Add to that my first run (also a victim of my stopwatch) since the race today, and my legs are mighty tired. Really, I think I might need to start attending stopwatch (and mapmyrun.com) addiction meetings.

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I somehow managed to convince myself that just because it is summer vacation (and slaving away until 8pm in the office every night just screams vacation doesn’t it?!?) I should be wearing shorts. Ummm, yeah it is 54 degrees out as we speak, but don’t mind me wandering around in flops, shorts, and like a billion layers on top (to make up for all the heat I am losing from down below). The 4th (the real start of a Seattle summer) could not get here soon enough!

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Shoe shopping at endless.com = amazing. I ordered a darling new pair of Havaianas flops yesterday afternoon and they are already waiting on my doorstep today. Free overnight shipping: best.idea.ever. I’ll be wearing them tomorrow (with my shorts).

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Grades were posted today. I got a 4.0. Go me.

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First camping trip of 2008 planned for this weekend. Enough said.

To Do List

Despite how I may portray myself to outsiders, sometimes I feel like my life is a frazzled mess and I'm never on top of things. I seem to be constantly coming across things I should have done ages ago, only to remark that I should take care of it before promptly ignoring it. I'd like to downsize a bit and live a more simple life, not to the extreme, of course. I just want to get rid of all the junk in my life. And be able to keep my room clean!

So I thought that while I am working to ride myself mental of all the junk, I might as well use the time to do some physical junk removal as well. Below is my summer to do list:

Rid myself of old textbooks/notebooks that I will never use again.
Sell papasan chair on craigslist.
Determine if bike rack can fit in bag for flight to NY to give to bro, if not sell on craigslist.
Determine what else I can purge from storage unit (with goal of downsizing).
Take currently full bag of old clothes to goodwill.
Swap winter and summer clothes, filling up new bag for goodwill.
Sort through box(es) of arts and crafts fun and toss the things I never will have time to incorporate into projects.
Buy frame for collage, and hang.
Organize camping equipment.
Sort through bags and purge as necessary.
Finish importing music into itunes (so behind the times).
Scan old pictures.
Deal with inhabitants of the “handle later” box.
String wooden bead necklace.
Go through old mags, tear out relevant articles and recycle the rest.

Does anyone else feel like they have an endless To Do list as well?

(I'm going with the thought that if I write it all down, I'll make myself more accountable!)

Splitting Assets (Otherwise Known as Friends)

While sharing the stove with my roommate and his girlfriend last night, I broke the news that Boston and I had parted ways. I hadn’t seen my roommate in days, and it just so happened that he randomly ran into Boston showing two friends, from Boston, around this weekend (awkward meeting given that my roomie had no idea about the split and made a joke about Boston moving to Seattle).

Hearing the story sent my mind spinning. I know he is not my boyfriend anymore and I am not privy to all the details of his life, but friends coming into town? I talked to him Tuesday… when did this happen? Frantically I called Laura, starting the conversation with “I know I shouldn’t ask but…” She sheepishly admitted that she knew he had friends in town, a guy from the track team and his girlfriend, on a last minute weekend trip... because she and Max went over there for a few hours on Saturday night (she was on the track team too). She claims it was really just because the friend is in the same line of work as Max, who is trying to find a job for when they move to Boston in a few months, but I hardly doubt they spent the entire evening ignoring Boston.

I know they are his friend too. But I don’t want them to be. I don’t want them to talk to him or spend time with him, or make him feel better. I want him to see how if you mess with me, you mess with my friends (meaning you know longer have friends in this damn city). I don’t want him to get off easy, clearing his conscious knowing Laura is taking care of me because he asked her to. I don’t want him to ask questions about how I’m doing, if he wants to know he should stop being such a chicken shit and call me. I don’t want to know that there are things Laura isn’t telling me. I don't want my friends to be uncomfortable being stuck in the middle.

I don’t want to share my friends. They are mine and I need them to be there for me right now. He doesn’t deserve them.

I’m jealous that they all get to reunite in damn Boston in August. And right now I am wasting my last bit of time with my friends because I am a mess, courtesy of him.

I hate fucking Boston – the city (no offense if you live or have lived there).

(Obviously I’m having a bad day which makes me think and act like a spoiled brat.)

6 Days and Counting.

I’d honestly rather not write a post about how I am trying to pick up all the pieces. All the self-pitying bullshit has got to get old to anyone reading. But that is all there is to write about, because that it all I have been doing, figuring out how to pick up the pieces. You think I’d be good at it, I mean it has been less than a year since I did it last. At least I’ll spare you a story about the bedsores I’m well on my way to developing.

If any good is to come out of this, it would be the no-work diet I’ve found myself on. I lost 4 pounds last week. I wouldn’t doubt if I’ve lost the same this week. It is all quite simple. The thought of food makes me feel sick. I try to eat something because I know I should, and I feel even more sick. At some point I just stop thinking about food (quite a novelty for the girl who tends to thinks about food non-stop). But given the alternative – gallons of ice cream and subsequent inches on my thighs – I’ll take the weight loss.

I tried on a new dress last night for Laura and Max. Max told me I looked hot. Then he corrected himself, smokin’ hot. A compliment from my best friend’s husband is as good as any. And while he is at it, he can go ahead and tell Boston what he is missing out on.

Only downside is that I trained hard for a half-marathon that I am running in 6 days. It is a race that I have no desire to run now. Putting on my sneakers is torture. Add to the fact that I have no energy due to the lack of food I’ve been eating and I’m one big old running mess.

He’s not going to be there waiting at the finish line anymore, but I know he’ll look up the results. I know what he thinks I am capable of running. I almost feel like it would be more satisfying to let him see me fck it up, to have him feel like he was partially to blame for something he knows I worked so hard for. I won’t though.

6 days and counting (both forward and backward). Laura is forcing me to run tonight. And I will make myself eat lunch and dinner today.

SPF

It is going to be a steamy 85 degrees in Seattle today. Most true Seattle-ites find anything over 82 to be unbearable. Sad to say, but in my 6+ years here, I’ve started to become one of them… I can handle it when I am lounging in the grass with a cool drink in one hand and a book in the other, but let me just say I am not all the excited about this evening’s 11-mile run. But, at least it is all in the name of spending the rest of the weekend having fun: habitat4humanity, bike riding to breweries, BBQs, skiing in a bikini, I mean t-shirt. And all of it happening in the glorious SUN!

But getting to the point of this post… at the age of 29, I HAVE WRINKLES!!!! One day people are commenting that my skin looks so fresh and smooth, then the next these tiny lines start showing up under my eyes and I start cursing myself for every day I’ve spent in the sun without sunscreen. It is not just my face, my shoulders and chest look, I don’t know, a bit weathered too. Which sounds so horrible but I swear it isn’t THAT bad.

So the thing is, they just appeared out of no where with very little warning. Ever since my gruesome discovery I have been crazy about applying sunscreen. Last night, I got up out of bed when I was just moments away from drifting off because it was imperative for me to make sure my sunscreen was in my backpack already. I only wish I was this diligent in my younger years.

Let this be a lesson to all of you out there without wrinkles – they’ll show up and surprise you one day if you don’t take preventative action now. I know it makes you feel good to be tan, but those future wrinkles (which, no matter how small to everyone else, will be SO BIG to you) won’t have the same effect. Sunscreen is your friend!

Life is busy. But good.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will defend my thesis before I leave for NYC (June 26th). Halleluiah! 2 years of grad school down, 4 to go – oh joy!

I’m meeting Boston’s mom this week. I’m surprising calm about it. And really excited, especially because she is really excited to meet me. Boston might be the most nervous about the whole impending encounter.

Trivia with Boston and Max is really fun, even though we suck at it. But we make up for our trivia suckiness by being really enthusiastic about the questions we can answer - high-fives all around. And by drinking lots of beer. I woke up with an itty bitty hangover this morning – oops!

It is supposed to be 80 degrees by the end of the week. I think I’m going skiing Sunday. Is that not wack or what?

Life is busy. But good.

Notes on Last Night

Note: Eating Nepalese food, which is essentially Indian to an untrained tongue such as mine, on an already funky stomach, is not a good idea.

Perhaps it was karma for ditching a run in favor of dinner.

Regardless, it probably wasn't a bad thing that Boston denied me some snuggle time to go on his own run after dinner. I don't think I'm ready to shatter his whole "girls don't poop" outlook on life.

Ooooh, probably TMI there... Sorry!

Back on the Saddle

I rode my bike yesterday. Farther in one day than all last year. I have a love/hate relationship with my bike. Love the actual bike. Hate to ride it. Well, maybe “hate” is a bit too strong, but ever since I fell off my bike, we’ve had kind of a bit of a, well falling out.

Recently, on those few and far between sunny days, I’ve been feeling the urge to ride again, especially since I plan on doing a triathlon this summer. Over the weekend I replaced the tube in the back tire (the slow leak was always giving me an excuse not to ride), and with yesterday’s beautiful weather, I decided to go for it.

So finally, I rode. From my car (not quite brave enough to ride on the streets yet, instead I parked along the Burke) to school. Then later in the afternoon, further past school and finally back to my car. I would have kept going if it wasn’t for that dinner date with Boston.

I guess it was kinda a big deal. You know that is the case when your boyfriend and roommates are totally excited about a measly 8-mile bike ride!

E-Therapy

I was going to show you all pictures from yesterday’s (as in the FIRST OF MAY) snowshoeing (yes, you read me right, SNOWSHOEING) adventure, but seeing as I left my camera cord at home as I rushed out of the house this morning, that will have to wait.

Instead, I’ll just treat you to another look inside my wacked out mind. You know, the one that is filled with constant dwelling over some (often pointless) aspect of my little ole life.

Today's Episode: “OMG – maybe she is right, maybe I don’t spend enough time with my friends?!?!”

It is 2:15 on Friday afternoon and I don’t have a single plan for the weekend in place. Sometimes that is the best feeling in the world. Other times, like right now, it freaks me out.

I worry about the little things, like the fact that I need to do a 10-mile run, but I don’t know if I should do it on Saturday or Sunday. And it affects if I should run tonight or not (no, if I am doing my long run on Saturday).

And I worry about the big (or so I think) things… I casually mentioned to Boston to give me a call later if he wanted to hang tonight (he has half-day Friday so is done for the week). Now I am just waiting till I can start my weekend. And waiting to see if we are going to spend the evening together. Waiting, and thinking…

I’ll most likely hang out with him, and Max and Laura on Saturday night. Should I just have made other plans, without him, for tonight even though he is who I’d most enjoy spending the evening with?

OK, so if I was going to make plans with someone, who would it be? “Me-time” is not a valid answer.

Laura is hanging out with the in-laws. KC is back in NY for the week. Shell probably has plans already that involve drinking heavily, staying up late, and/or dancing. Kristy hardly ever leaves the suburbs anymore and goes to bed before 9. I’m still bothered by this whole issue with LP and find it awkward to spend time with her. BMG has the flu (and it a boy and won't drink wine with me). Lan won’t be here few a few more weeks. Ummm… that is typically the extent of those I would hang out with one-on-one. Do I need to find more friends?

I mean, I could just call Shell, or Kristy, or even LP (if I got up the nerve). But I probably won’t. Is that bad? I want to spend time with all of them. But I also want to spend time with Boston. And calling up one if them seems like so much more effort than just waiting for Boston to call me.

Maybe I should try and be a bit more social.

But can it wait until Monday?

New Attitude

My attitude has been pure poop the past few weeks. I am totally frusterated and want *someone* to make it better.

The only *someone* who can make it better is ME. (Note: I just noticed there is actually a ME in soMEone.)

I've said, to myself, to him, to our friends, that I've chosen to move forward and make the most of the next few months with Boston (p.s. thanks for all your words of wisdom on the subject, I took them all to heart). I knew when I started dating him what the situation was. Hell, at that point he was supposedly heading back at the end of February. But despite saying that I am ok with it, I've still be mopping around and feeling totally insecure. I am not thinking about it quite this way, but I can sorta see these next 5 months as an opportunity to develop this relationship into something that he can't walk away from. But... why wouldn't he want to walk away from a whiney, moody, insecure girl!?!?

So, as of yesterday afternoon, I am not going to be that girl. Best part about it all... I am NOT that girl. I am the spunky, energetic, always ready for a good time girl that he fell for in the first place - so it shouldn't be hard to project that attitude again.

I need to adjust my attitude in a few other areas as well. There are some friendships I have been neglecting and have been less than focused on my thesis. Nothing will be fixed overnight, but I know I, alone, am the key to regaining my healthy, happy attitude on life.

Guilty Pleasures

Chocolate Milk. Yummm, makes me feel like a kid again.

Big Brother. Should I even admit that?

Designer jeans. I've said it before, I'll say it again - they make your butt look so good.

Pabst Blue Ribbon. I only feel guilty about it because the Pacific Northwest produces some amazing beer and here I am loving PBR.

US Weekly. I only buy it at the airport. I wish I traveled more.

A Birthday Pictorial: Skiing, Shuffleboard, PBR, and Drunk Texting

Gimme a B

B for biotch that is. That is me this week – everyone needs to watch out. Everyone seems to be pissin’ me off. I think I just need some alone time, but it seems like it is hard to come by.

Today, two separate people (random school acquaintances) have sent me cover letters and/or personal statements for me to read over and improve (in all this spare time that I have, you know). The one I read so far was absolutely painful!

I’ve driven my friend all over the place this week (and last week and the week before that – she doesn’t have a car) and I feel like she is getting to the point where she just expects me to do it. Today I drove into school but didn’t call to ask if she wanted a ride.

Yesterday I had to wait around forever for people to get their shit together and get on the road to go skiing when we do the same thing every week, you should have it down by now. And then there are the people who decide to come last minute, and mess up the carpooling plans that it took forever to work out because everyone is so indecisive.

And then there is the weather. Hi – 8 degrees?!?! Not cool. I know I grew up in NY, but I am a wimp now and I can’t take it. The snow was great but I couldn’t enjoy it properly. Or the after-ski beer because I was driving (which I hate to do) and seeing that I had no time for lunch and a little dinner – one beer would have made me loopy.

My friend is coming from out of town for my birthday ski party on Saturday which is awesome, but I feel like I am going to have to entertain him all weekend. And he likes to stay out late and get drunk.

I’m in the midst of a “crush triangle” – everyone telling me who they all have crushes on and it all doesn’t work out nice and neatly (why am I the one you confide in??).

I actually want to cook myself dinner, but I haven’t been home for dinner and probably won’t be for the next few days so it is either PB&J (tonight) or eating out (the rest of the weekend) – yuck!

My friend complaining is that she can’t go to the 8:30 movie on my birthday (it is too late) when really, how much of a difference is it from the 7:40 movie (which others have legit reasons for not being able to attend)?

I have a 4:00 meeting on Friday afternoons. All of them till June. Why would anyone think this was a good idea?

Auuuuuuuuuugh!

Only a few more hours and I can head home and curl up in my bed. I think that is what I need right about now.

Pre-Birthday

Boston is heading north today for some fabulous skiing, some of which can only be reached by helicopter, can you say jealous!?!? While he is off skiing with his boys from back east, I'll be celebrating my birthday (skiing as well) without him.

Last night we celebrated my pre-birthday with dinner at Salty's. Oh my goodness - dungeness crab mac 'n cheese... TO.DIE.FOR! I'm telling you - absolutly amazing! The view of the city is incredible as well. Think this, but at night and with a full moon:

He also surprised me with the cutest card and a lift ticket to Crystal. And the news that his boss signed off on him officially being in Seattle until at least mid-August. Yay! (Did I mention that the first thing my mom said when I told her we were dating was "so how long is he in Seattle for...?")

It was a very good start to my 29th birthday.

Everyone Else is Doing It

And by "everyone," I mean her (who I get to see next week - yay!) and her and her.


So come on - I know you are reading... Just a little hi will do.