I am finishing up “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. Many have told me they loved it, but honestly I am not that impressed. It is taking me forever to get through it. Last night though, after an emotionally draining Saturday night (a separate blog post all in itself), I picked the book up and really connected with several things she said. The following hit home the most:
“I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest point. I have fallen in love more times that I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and then I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”
Although I couldn’t formulate my thoughts as eloquently as Elizabeth Gilbert, I have known this for awhile. I was in love with the highest potential of The Boy. I thought I saw something more in him. Whether there truly was something more in him, I might never know, but I do know that who I love, and who he truly is at this point in time are not the same. While The Boy has caused me much pain, it was my “flaw” of always seeing the best in everyone that lead to my heartbreak. I am the one that let myself fall in love with him, who saw something, someone that wasn’t really there. What is next though? I realize this, now what do I do with it? It doesn’t make things any easier. I still hurt. But at least I know I am not the only one out there with this problem.
As Elizabeth Gilbert’s lover said: “And love is always complicated. But still humans must try to love each other, darling. We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.”
Monday, October 29, 2007
The Highest Potential of a Man
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7 comments:
I recently wrote a post about this book too. I was so disappointed when I saw Elizabeth Gilbert on Oprah. There were parts of the book that I really enjoyed but I had such a hard time with her self centeredness. I felt it was what ultimately kept her from happiness.
And your broken heart will heal soon and then you'll look back in a few years and wonder what you were so sad about all that time.
i actually loved that book. i did have a hard time with certain parts, but overall, i really loved it. i think there are some really interesting perspectives. hope that your weekend picked up after the rough saturday night.
I think this is a major problem that many women have.
The guy I dated before ear doctor was the exact same. I saw his great potential and that's what I loved. The strange thing was that he was SO far from his potential that I'm still confused why I tricked myself.
Live and learn pal.
Ugh. Love is hard. But someday, you'll find the right person and you'll realize that you needed all of life's lessons (even the painful ones) to be able to recognize the "one" when you finally stumble upon him.
First of all, I'm glad to see that you didn't love the book. I haven't read it, but I have heard lots about it and I don't know that I want to read it. Although, that is a great line.
And we women really are so like that. I think I did the same thing with the ex-fiance...and the worst part was I think he might be reaching that potential now and I was just a stepping stone along his path. It sucks! But, it never would have been that way with us. The breakup was part of what he needed (I dumped him, which is gratifying on some level).
Anyway, I'm going to stop my self-serving comment now. I think you're fabulous!
It's so true what she wrote about. I think everyone has done it . . fallen in love with who someone COULD be. That's why some of the best advice I ever got was: Live with both feet in reality, not one foot in the past (what was) or in the future (what could be). Live in the right now and not in fantasyland. But you're right - it doesn't hurt any less.
And I disagree with subservient. Someday you won't hurt anymore, but you'll always remember what it felt like and why it hurt. You'll just be thankful that the pain is gone, and you'll be able to make better decisions because of it.
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