(Author's Note: I know, I know... these downer posts are wearing on me too. I'm totally working on channeling my inner positive attitude, hopefully bringing some happiness to my life and hence my blog. And only 5 days until I'm off on an exotic vacation. Oh and I did ride on a jetski this weekend - fun fun fun! - life isn't complete shit, just pretty close at times.)
Boston and I had dinner together on Friday night. I gave in and sent him a text message because I really didn’t think he’d have the balls to contact me. I wanted closure and to say goodbye (and good riddance). Instead I was blindsided. In an awful, sickening, omg I’m gonna throw up right now sort of a way.
If you are not sitting down for this, you might want to.
Boston is staying in Seattle. Or really, planning to come back to Seattle permanently in a few months. And he’d rather be single than in a long-term relationship.
Unfortunately, that second part wasn’t mentioned initially, and I had to listen to him stammer on and on forever about why he thinks he should come back to Seattle. Which, ummm yeah I get… because I am pretty sure I used all those same arguments when trying to explain why he should stay back in May. But there I am, listening him say the words that I have been wishing that he would for weeks now, trying not to get my hopes up but wondering if we get a second chance.
To make a long story short, we don’t (although his definitive “no” was eerily similar to the definitive “no” about not staying in Seattle). The whole thing makes me sick.
Sick because I was not expecting this at all. And my best friend knew 3 days before I did.
Sick because the story changes constantly. I adjust to one situation and then I’m thrown for another loop. He has been anything but honest, and has led me on, used me (which he tries to deny tooth and nail), and generally treated me like shit.
Sick because he knows he is treating me like shit. And feels horrible about it. But can only stop by removing himself from my life.
Sick because he still soaks up all the little details of my life via facebook and mutual friends (seriously, I was shocked about all the mundane things he knew about the past few weeks of my life, and how he connected them to things I said months ago), giving me the opportunity to wonder what that means. (The answer: nothing)
Sick because I drove past our ski hill, where it all started, twice this weekend. He plans on being back just in time for ski season.
Sick because I am a bit proud of him for realizing that Seattle is where he belongs.
So, at this point, I really don’t think it is possible for things to get worse. Only onward and upward from this point forward. Or at least that is the plan.
Unless he, like, gets married or something next month.
Umm, did I also mention I tore my MCL - one of the ligaments in my knee - on Friday (awful day all around)? Thankfully surgery is highly unlikely and the doc says I should heal up just fine, but seriously, can I get a break?!?! Especially when a hard run would be so much more cathartic than this damn hobble I have going on. Ugh!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Just When You Think You’ve Reached Rock Bottom
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12 comments:
It sounds to me like you're better off without him. No girl deserves to be dragged through the mud like Boston's been doing with you for the last couple of months with this "maybe, maybe not" bullshit. You deserve so much better.
And seriously, marriage wouldn't be unheard of. The Aussie got married two months after we ended our relationship. Yeah. Awesome. I wouldn't wish that feeling of being kicked in the chest on anyone. That's a very strange email to get.
Well, Boston does think that you should know if you want to marry someone within 4 months of dating them...
honestly, peace the f-out to him, he's obviously not the person you thought he was and not near the person you deserve. i'm sorry about your mcl, but just think you will be in cyprus soon and you will be moving on with your life, without boston in it, but someone totally better!
*Gasp* I can't believe it. What sucks is that it will probably be harder to put him out of your mind knowing he's around. Ugh! I agree with S; he obviously isn't the person you thought he was, and you deserve more.
Your knee sucks since it will prevent you from running, but on the bright side MCL recovery is super easy. I did it in under 4 weeks last year.
I'm so glad you're able to get away in Cyprus soon!!
Maybe you'll meet a total hottie in Cyprus and return all "Boston who???"
Oh man! I'm so sorry K.
But I actually think that this information will help you to get over him all the more. Who needs an indecisive shit like that?
That's what I'm thinking now about Mr. Burns. I'm always expecting him to do one thing... and he does nothing. I'm just sort of convinced that I never will find the man who loves me the way I need him to.
You and I... two peas in a pod!
I hate that we want things to mean something that really don't mean anything. And I hate that we choose to spend our energy on those things, even when we don't really want to. I wish I had some freeing words of advice, but I do the same thing. And it sucks. There are better days coming, though, days when he won't cross your mind at all.
I'd give you a hug and buy you a drink right now if I could. For the knee and the guy.
You're going out of town for a couple weeks soon, right? That will help.
That sucks... its always so much easier to get over someone when they just completely disappear. I hope you at least got some sense of closure though, even a little bit will help.
And the MCL thing... that also sucks! A lot. I only know too well how much it sucks having to take a break from running when thats the one thing you need more than anything! Hope it heals up soon for you.
PS... that dude in your previous post is a huge d-bag.
man, i'm sorry. what a jerk. you deserve so much better. i'm with the others...i hope you meet a super hot guy in cypress.
What a wimp and a jerk. I'm so sorry your going through this. I wish he'd just move away so that you would have a chance to get him out of your system.
I'm sorry. That sucks. I can pinpoint that exact feeling of absolute shock coupled with disappointment and deep sadness. I wish I couldn't. :(
I don't have any good advice other then to keep yourself busy. Traveling will help. Friends and TV and anything that keeps you moving (weights since your poor knee is hurt?) will help some.
And maybe one (at most two) deep hard cries - possibly drunken but definitely with a good friend nearby.
Wow. Unbelievable. What is up with this guy???
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