I went to renew my locker at the gym on Monday and was lured in by the huge scale in the corner of the locker room. I have a relationship with that scale, I weigh myself a lot. But I haven’t been to the gym in 6 weeks (yes, count them people, SIX! weeks), and therefore not on the scale in 6 weeks either.
People have been known to tell me how much they hate me because I am not a stress or emotional eater. I’m the opposite. I completely lose my appetite. Considering that my craptastic summer was filled with both academic and personal stress, and I have been an emotional nutcase, I haven’t been hungry in months. Add to that my lack of physical activity, which leads to more loss of appetite because I went from running/hiking/biking/swimming… 6 or 7 days a week to just sitting around all day. Damn knee! I knew I had lost weight but still found myself shocked at the numbers on the scale.
There was a 2. It wasn’t the first number. Or the last. It was right there in the middle. Granted, I’ve probably lost a lot of muscle over the past few weeks, but I haven’t weighed that much since… ever?
It is a bittersweet feeling. I look good. People have commented that I look good. But I was happy with my body when there was a 3 in there. My clothes are looser, but I don’t really have any money to buy new ones. I tried on a pair of jeans in a size which I never bought before. And they fit. Without having to struggle with them over my hips. Do I cough up the money to buy them? Will I feel like crap when I gain a couple of pounds back (I think it is inevitable, right?) and they don’t fit anymore? I wish I had to sweat to lose this weight. To have actually put some work into it.
The number on the scale isn’t worth all that I have dealt with recently. I’d gain back all those pounds, and then some, not to have had my heart broken. I’d gain back all those pounds, and then some, to have my best friend back in Seattle. I’d gain back all those pounds, and then some, to be able to run again.
But I guess I should rock the 2 while I’ve got it.
And go eat that pb&j sitting in my lunch bag.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
There Was a 2
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5 comments:
Losing and gaining weight can be such a strange thing, and it's often hard to see one side when you're so used to the other. Just be healthy and treat yourself well, right? And, by all means, eat the PB&J. :)
By the way, you know that's me, right? (JustRun) Sorry for the confusion-- wordpress is whack.
I am the same way. The least I've weighed was when I was depressed post-break-up. I was obsessed with exercise yet didn't have much of an appetite. I was in the best shape of my life, but like you said, it wasn't worth it.
I'm the same way.
Either thin and sad or chubby and happy.
Ummm if I had the same life changing stuff happen to me over the summer that you did that two number would have moved to be my front number not the middle one!
Hang in there! It will get better. Find small things that you like to do and treat yourself. And even if it's not super exciting, school will help keep you busy. Oh and you could post to your blog a lot... :)
*hugs!*
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