I Swear It Won't Be All About The Boy

This isn't going to turn into a blog solely about The Boy, I promise. But it is therapy of sorts and I am all out of whack at the moment.

I planned a happy hour this Friday. I knew The Boy would be up for it and I haven't spent time outside of running with Shell recently. I invited Laura and Max to join us after work and a few college friends too, as well as some new grad school friends. I also invited ILC, which Shell just majorly reamed me out for doing. In my defense, I just like to include everyone and I have not seen him in awhile (since I basically hooked up in front of him). I want to maintain a friendship, but have been avoiding seeing him one on one, so at the time this seemed like a good group activity to invite him to. Shell told me that is was dumb, dumb, dumb to invite a guy I went on a few dates with (6 months ago might I add) to a happy hour where I am introducing a boy I like to all my friends. I do see her point, but there isn't much I can do about it now.

That comment though opened up another can of worms... I was just thinking of this happy hour as a big mish-mash of my old friends and my new friends. Yeah, I will be introducing The Boy to Shell, Laura, and Max (whose opinions I value very much), but I wasn't thinking it would be some ceremonial event. And now I am a little apprehensive... what if they don't like him? What if they think he is too young? What if they think he says f*ck too much? What if they think he is too much of a country boy for me? That we don't have enough in common? I know these are all only my own insecurities coming out because I am a bit scared that I might be stepping into a commitment. I need to remind myself of all the reassuring things I said to Laura and Shell when they started seriously dating after being comfortably and confidently single for so long. I know it will be okay. This will last or it won't last, and either way I'll be okay.

But there is still that little knot in my stomach that won't go away.