Boys and a Banged Up Finger

ILC: Last week Shell and Laura told me I was leading him on by calling him up out of the blue (I felt bad for being short on the phone the last time he called) and then making plans to hang out with him solo (and I thought that was bullshit, especially since both of them had lame excuses when I asked if they wanted to join us). I did meet up with him for a drink last weekend, and then again last night, although last night I was with a group of people and afterwards, LP told me she thought I was definitely giving off the friend vibe.

BMG: While LP and I were discussing ILC and then BMG by default, the phone rang. I had no idea who would have been calling at that time (roughly midnight) but BMG’s ears must have been burning. I had been over at BMG’s house earlier in the day, but didn’t want to bother him while he was studying, so I just left a note to wish him luck with his finals. He was calling back to say thanks for the note and then vent a bit about his parents’ surprise visit to Seattle at an very inopportune time and school in general. I, as always, was playing the role of cheerleader when he said “I didn’t call you for a pep talk.” At that point I realized I was doing something I swore (twice) I’d never do again. My high school boyfriend, Virginia Chris, went through a rough, semi-depressive patch while we were dating. I tried my hardest to make things alright but it seemed like nothing I did made a difference. After I while I could no longer listen to his problems, because it seemed like he didn’t want to feel better so it didn’t matter what I did to try and make him happy, he wasn’t going to be happy. After I got out of that relationship, I told myself I’d never date anyone who I had to make feel good about themselves and life. I’m a happy, optimistic person who thinks a good attitude makes a world of a difference, and trying to convince someone else to live this way when they seem to try to be uphappy is emotionally draining. Years later, I seemed to have forgotten this promise because I found myself in a similar situation. My last serious boyfriend, Marc, seemed to feel like the world was out to get him and I reverted back to my ways for trying to make it all ok and becoming frusterated when I inevitably failed. After Marc, I swore again I’d avoid relationships like that. And here I am again, with the first boy that I have actually really liked since Marc, trying to give him a pep talk that he doesn’t want to hear. What is worse, I’m not even his girlfriend. After his comment last night, I apologized to him (and internally to myself) and wrapped up the conversation pretty quick. I’m glad he helped me realize what I was doing.

The 21 Year Old: He called late last week and it was apparent that we really had nothing to talk about. He has finals coming up and then heading to New Zealand for the summer so is just as busy as me. We talked some bullshit about getting together soon but I think it was clear to both of us that it was really just that, bullshit.

The New Boy: LP’s boyfriend had a friend over last night, who invited another friend out to the bar with us. Him and I started chatting up it right away and he was really cool. Cute (tall and muscular), smart (aerospace enginerd), and outdoorsy (his two favorite “sports” are rock climbing and canyoneering). But of course there had to be a few downsides as well. #1 – he lives on the Eastside (east of Lake Washington) and I loathe the Eastside. I don’t cross the lake unless I absolutely have to (or to ski of course!). I dated a guy who lived on the Eastside when I fist moved out here, and said I’d never do it again. For my dream man, I could probably relent, but that leads me to #2 – he has a dog. Nothing personal against dogs, but I don’t do them. Growing up I was severly allergic to dogs, severe meaning if I had contact with them I would inevitable violently throw up, after my eyes started watering, my throat closed up and my nose began running like a faucet. Years of allergy shots have helped immensely, but I still have a reaction when I am around dogs (case in point, I rode in the back of LP’s car, which was covered in dog hair and had an allergy attack last night). In addition to being allergic, I’ve never really interacted with dogs (because of the allergies) and I am very uncomfortable around them, especially big ones. People always ask what I would do if my dream man had a dog and I reply matter of factly, my dream man would never have a dog if he was in fact my “dream” man. I can’t compromise, and wouldn’t let myself get close with someone who had a dog, because in the long run it wouldn’t work and wouldn’t be worth the potential heartache. So while, I would love to get to know The New Guy more, the prospects are dim.

And not at all related to boys, I am a klutz and slammed my finger in the bathroom door yesterday. It is black and blue and was throbbing for hours last night. Hopefully I am wrong, but it feels much like my toenails have felt just before the have fallen off. That would totally suck! Right now I am having a ball with it though as it feels better and I can give everyone the finger to show them my boo-boo!